Posts Tagged With: self sabotage

Releasing My Inner Swan

swanI received a most beautiful gift in the mail, a pewter swan. The following note was attached, “A gift from one who lives in Swanton, home of the Swanton Swans. Also symbolic of my favorite story and how the ‘ugly duckling’ became a ‘very fine swan indeed!’ As you have done!”

Step back for a second and flash back over the past few years of my life. In January, 2011, if you’ve been following the blog (and if you haven’t…start at the beginning!!), was when I started my weight loss journey into Onederland. By July 2012, after a rocky bit with my inner ear conundrum, I made it to goal.  Honestly, I thought reaching goal and getting my weight down would be a “cure-all” for so many things in my life.

I was confused when it wasn’t.

While a lot of people were very supportive, many people close to me were not.
I’ve come to bristle at the thought of dating anymore. Guys that knew me when I was bigger, complain that I’m “too skinny” and look too different. I’ve been called “boney” and “wasting away”. I’m not. I’m SO not.  Guys that have only known me since I’ve reached goal couldn’t understand the disdain for the way they joked about “fat chicks”. When I explained my situation, they’d say, “But that’s not you, so it’s ok to say that.” No… it’s not. I honestly thought dating would be easier. It’s not, for me.

I’ve had to pull back from the center of friends I’ve always had. There’s nobody in that group that can relate to what has happened to me physically, mentally, emotionally. They think the journey is “done now” and I can “eat normal”. It’s not done and their normal is not my normal.

So I had to dig deeper and tackle those core issues that needed fixing. Like needing other people’s approval. Like needing to be part of a “couple” – you know, being in a relationship and using it like a trophy or a measure of “making it”. Doesn’t matter if it’s bad or good. Well, I’d rather be alone than be with someone that doesn’t treat me with respect or love me for who I fully am. Let’s not forget bad self-esteem. Or needing to be liked by everyone. Being angry at others for flaws in my own self. I did journaling. Lots of journalling, meditating, walking while thinking, talking it out. Lots of positive self talk. Looking in the mirror every morning and saying, “Good morning, Beautiful.” And looking in the mirror at night and saying, “Good Night, Sweetie, pleasant dreams, you ROCK!”   I’m not perfectly fixed, but I’m perfectly flawed like Otep would sing. Cracks in antiques give them character, right? I don’t think we’re ever totally fixed, but I’m working on it and it’s made it easier!

On the up-side, I have found many friends online and in person through the Kim Bensen Weight Loss Center and through this blog.  I have found many kindred souls that have been through the same experiences, the same heartaches, the same victories.

And I have found my voice and my confidence. Albeit, not a roar, but it’s a flame getting bigger all the time. I’m not afraid to ask for what I need, to stand up for myself, to speak up when confronted. But I don’t need the drama of those around me. I’m recognizing the dynamic and the sickening soup that I’ve allowed myself to be cooking in because I felt an obligation imposed on me out of “loyalty”. There are times when we have to look at those close to us and recognize their relationship as being toxic and unhealthy.  So we have to find the courage to pull ourselves up out of the quicksand and climb hard into higher ground. For our health.

I was presented with two career opportunities that required my courage, strength and dedication. But it requires me to say good bye to so much that has been familiar and my safety net. It requires me to relocate into another state. Several states away.  It requires me to rely on a network of newfound friends that are incredibly supportive. It requires me to enter a very corporate job market at “almost 50”, as my Dad pointed out. It requires me to learn more about my profession using my high school education and experience through doing. I never went to college and was mocked by people throughout my life for not going. I’ve learned a LOT by doing it.  It requires me to take a leap of Faith and cannonball into the waters of Life.

A few years back, I don’t think I could have CONSIDERED doing such a thing. It would give me an anxiety attack. I would make excuses about why I could not do it. I would rationalize that it would be impossible to do this.  But after losing 150 pounds, it made me feel like I could DO ANYTHING.

But not everyone around me feels the same enthusiasm as I do. They point out my age. They point out the hard work. They point out that there are people who need me where I am now. They call me selfish. They call me foolish and crazy. And only a couple asked me, “Would it make you happy?” I look into my daughter’s eyes and she is excited and says that I am a role model for her and girls everywhere no matter the size. Tall order.

My story has really started to have that fairy tale kind of feeling. I thought it was Cinderella, but the only time I’m losing my shoe after midnight is when I’m just too tired from pulling too many hours awake, there’s no Prince Charming, no pumpkin car. It really is the story of the Ugly Duckling who became a swan and finally found where she belonged after all.  I even looked up the story by Hans Christian Andersen and I cried as I read it. It was way too bittersweet and familiar to me.

Sometimes where you’re born isn’t where you end up.
Sometimes, those closest to you can hurt you the most.
Sometimes not fitting in is a blessing in disguise, it makes leaving easier.
Sometimes break ups are the best thing that can happen to you.
Sometimes you need to break away from what you’re told to do and find what you WANT to do.
Sometimes the ones that claim to need you the most are avoiding doing for themselves.
Sometimes those late blooms in life are the most spectacular!
Sometimes you have to find the courage and strength to do something big (like get to goal), to show you just how powerful you really are.

And sometimes you have wonderful friends, like my Susan, to remind you of a child’s story that helps you cannonball into the next part of your life so much easier.

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Categories: Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Getting “Unstuck” in the Journey

Ever get in your car and go to work, the store, on an errand and it feels like the car is driving itself. It knows where it’s going because you’ve done this a million rutstimes before. You’re not even thinking about it. It’s as if your car is on auto-pilot, or on rails or in a rut in the road that just TAKES you to where you’re going. It’s a habit. Not a bad habit, but a habit nonetheless.

My friend Kim Bensen was talking tonight in an online meeting today about habits and it made me think of my journey. Habits have both hindered and helped me.

lostMy journey isn’t too different from driving in a car day after day. I had tried to lose weight in what seemed like a million times before and it always ended the same way in the same place. Nowhere.  I’d stop for one reason or another. It was so many reasons….
– it was a fad diet that I couldn’t sustain, and I’ve been on many
– I gave into the peer pressure of hearing people say I couldn’t do it
– I was losing it for approval of other people such as a significant other, or my parents, or my kids
– I’d reward myself with food and end up binging
– I would sabotage myself
– I’d plateau and give up
– and so many other reasons….

stuck in mudBut it was the same paths that led to the same endings in the journey. It was like my car got stuck in the mud of dieting. I was in those same ruts that led me to “that place” of giving up. I’d gun the engine, get frustrated and panic, and spin my tires deeper and deeper into those same habits until I couldn’t climb out and would just… give up.

The only way to get out of the ruts and mud is to throw something different onto that path to climb out. You have to stop panicking, calmly get with your program and think your way out and onto a NEW path. I had to figure out that the old paths weren’t getting me there. My car was so accustomed to those old paths that I did the same triggers, sabotages and routines over and over expecting a different result.

blog bike ridingIt was time for  a new path. A fresh one. One where my tires have never gone before. I admit, at first it’s scary when you do something new. I don’t mean just a new diet. I’m talking about changing the BEHAVIORS while you’re dieting. I’m talking about the inside work, getting to the core, thinking it through. I journalled. I talked it out with friends who were also in my weight loss group. I read self-help books. I looked at my current habits and how they were feeding into the weight gain.
Some of them were:
first-ten-pounds-ribbon– Expecting other people to notice and  validate my weight loss and disappointed when they didn’t…so I’d give up.
– Revolving my special events, Friday nights, holidays, social times around FOOD instead of around people.
– Tracking my food after I ate it and scolding myself and beating myself up for the AFTER effect of eating
Rewarding myself with food when I had a good weigh in
– Relying on restaurants and outside sources to cater to my food needs when I was on the road and so frustrated when they couldn’t that I’d have an excuse to give up
– Relying on other people to keep me on my program and blaming them when I’d fall off the wagon
dunce– Talking negatively to myself and calling it “just kidding”, referring to myself as “Fat ass”, “The fat lady”, and other derogatory terms on a daily basis.
– Letting tradition and other people dictate my plans for holidays which would involve food
– Letting the demons from the past, voices from the past and present from OTHER people convince me that I couldn’t do this.

These kept me in the ruts. It was time to throw some solid stones in the ruts and climb out. It was time for a new beginning of a new path. My new habits that I learned were:
– Finding a plan that was easy for me to sustain and was also healthy. I choose Options by Kim Bensen and have been doing it since January, 2011 and I don’t see doing anything else. It’s easy. It’s healthy.
Preplanning my day’s food so that I was prepared.

– Knowing how to adapt if my plans change for the day. A good soldier knows how to adapt and let’s face it. This is a war at times!keep calm Keep calm and carry on. We will make a mistake, but we are beautifully human. Nothing good comes of anger, losing control or giving up. Keep calm and carry on.

Positive self talk. Catching myself when I said ANYTHING derogatory even if I disguised it as a “joke”. I tell myself to stop it and look in the mirror. Yes, look hellosweetiein the mirror and say something NICE to myself. It’s a habit I do every day now. Start the day with “Hello, Sweetie.” A salutation with a term of endearment. End the day with a good night hug, a blown kiss in the mirror, an affirmation.  Someone else might look at it and say I have a big ego, I’m “cocky” or whatever. I look at it this way. I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND. If I give up on myself, there is nobody else in that corner. NOBODY. The rest of my friends are the cherry on life’s sundae….(yeah, there I go with food references)..but I HAVE TO LIKE MYSELF FIRST. How are we to keep friends, relationships, etc… if we can’t even have a good one with ourselves?

–  Which leads me into the WHY’s of weight loss and DOING IT FOR ME. Not some guy. Not my kids. Not my weight loss leader. Not my parents. Not that guy from high school that never asked me out. Not ANYTHING OR ANYONE else except me. My ex-husband, during an argument, made me realize I was losing weight for attention and approval. Looking back on it, he was right. I realized I had to only have my OWN approval and acceptance. Except for my weight loss group, I had very little support around me. But I did it. You can too.

green_monstercartton4Stop blaming the demons from the past. Stop looking in the rear view mirror like I wrote about over a year ago.  Most times, we can’t help what happens in our past. BUT, this is the present. Today. We CAN change today. We just have to WANT TO and stop playing the stupid blame game. Take ownership, grab control of our life and change it.

NO MORE FOOD REWARDS. When I was over 300 pounds, I said to someone, ‘Once I hit the 100 pounds lost mark I’m going to sit down to a big plate of onion rings from Red Robin and gorge myself.” And she looked at me and said, “Why would you do that? After all that hard work? If you had enough money, RedRobin-OnionStackwould you spray paint graffiti on the Mona Lisa…just because simply –  you could?” She was right. The more I thought about it, she was SO right. I looked at her in that moment of clarity and I would have kissed her if I could, but I was looking in the mirror. I was having a journaling self talk session with myself and that epiphany came from it. It was at that moment I said NO MORE FOOD REWARDS. I still haven’t eaten a Red Robin onion ring in 2 years and that was my “thing”, my food of all foods.

– Packing food when I hit the road. I don’t care if it’s for the weekend or an afternoon shopping. I usually have food in the car and at the very least water. Or I know where I can eat that will be safe. And all else fails…I hit a local grocery store and keep it simple. Check out my blogs on road tripping… it’s easier than you think!

Most of all, I want you to realize how awesome and powerful you really are!wonder woman You are Wonder Woman. You are Iron Man. You are the beautiful love-child when they got together! You CAN do this! You gotta believe in the power of YOU. I want you to high-five yourself and laugh outloud and greet yourself when you look in the mirror. You’re a rockstar! Don’t think that other people are ANY better than YOU!

Take your journey on some new paths and you’ll end up in new territory and THAT’S when you end up in ONEderland!
I’m all about sharin’ the love! Feel free to share it, pin it, poke it, throw it to the wind and see who catches it! But feel free to share this with anyone that needs some encouragement. Catch me online at where I have all kinds of stuff including my recipes and videos and check out my Facebook page And please, I encourage you to check out my friend Kim’s site and program at  It really changed my life for the better and we’d love to see you there sometime!

Categories: Anger, Binge Eating, Dealing with Sabotage, Emotional, Growing Up Fat, Psychological, Relationships, Roadtrips and Vacations, Support, Victory, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Preplanning Your Mind for the Holidays Part 1

Decorations and trees have been in the stores since Halloween. Christmas music has been playing in the stores since Thanksgiving. The holiday is HERE!

Kim Bensen has taught me the valuable lesson of preplanning daily menus and preplanning big days such as holidays.

But let’s step back just a second. Before we can preplan our food, we need to preplan our MINDS. We need to get on-board, on program, and enthusiastic about our choices before it’s shoved in our faces.

The holiday is all about sensory overload and all five senses are included.

Sight: Lights, decorations, trees, costumes, huge lighted displays galore, crazy decorated cookies and foods you don’t see any other time of the year!
ChristmasVacay-543x320Sound: Christmas and holiday music is everywhere, the sounds of laughter, Christmas carols, concerts, parties, etc.
Smell: Pine & balsam, snow (yes kinda like rain, snowfall has a beautiful smell outside), flowers and ALL THOSE COOKIES, dinners, foods!,
Taste: Of course taste and food are involved. There’s peppermint, chocolate, cookies, turkeys and hams, seafood dinners, decadent desserts, libations and all sorts of tasty treats.
Touch: Pretty papers, bows, cards, ornaments, presents and gifts.

The holiday just throws our senses into a WOW state! It’s no wonder we feel like a little kid, a little crazy and nutty, a little silly.

What’s one of the things we think about when we think about Christmas?

crazy-christmasPresents and gifts.
(I know you may be saying “food” but we’ll get to that in a bit…)

In this digital day and age, so much is centered around the gifts. So while we’re in the middle of the frenzy of the holidays – shopping, and all that. We want to give OURSELVES a gift. We want to give up the diet for the season. We want to be “nice” and make it easier on ourselves. Because, hey, who wants to think about the diet or the preplanning during the holiday? We want a break. We want that little gift.

It’s NOT a gift.

It’s the first step of sabotage to ourselves.

It’s the “gift” that’s an illusion. It’s the yummy poison that makes us a slave to our food addictions even more. Before we know it, we’ve packed on 10 pounds or more over the holiday and wonder where the heck it came from.

I’ll tell ya where it came from… it was that “gift” you gave to yourself.

It’s really so much easier to stay true to our plan whether it’s Xchanges by Kim Bensen, Weight Watchers, counting calories, carbs or WHATEVER we’re doing. If you go off NOW… you may not come back right away if at all.


When we stay true and preplan – it makes it ONE less sense to make sense of during that sensory overload… make sense?

But seriously… when we ‘plan’ to go off program, we’re only ‘planning’ for failure.

So how do we preplan our head during this crazy time?

On the days leading up to Christmas – KNOW that you’re going to stay OP (on program). VOW to stay on program. Not “try”. DO.

If you’re going to the mall shopping, do some extra laps around the mall, park farther away (like you have a choice sometimes?), take steps instead of the escalator or elevator.

Do things to keep your hands busy – writing out holiday cards, decorating the tree, cleaning and decorating the house, outside decorating.

If you MUST make cookies – some of us just love to cook – keep only a small portion and give away the rest to a church, daycare, hospital, local food bank, someone who doesn’t have time to cook (like me…only kidding), a neighbor, etc.

Remember ONE thing… our holiday doesn’t have to be centered around FOOD. Let’s start switching up our holiday traditions. Who says you MUST have a big Christmas dinner? Why not find something ELSE to do with your time? Yup, I can see your faces looking at me like “Are you kidding me? We ALWAYS do this.” Well time to switch it up.

There’s plenty to do on Christmas day besides sit around and look at food. Not EVERYONE celebrates Christmas or celebrates it in the same way we do!

There are concerts and events you can attend.
For some movies like Les Miserables… it’s the opening day! Go see a movie!
Go walk through a botanical gardens like Longwood Gardens in Pennsylvania
Go for a hike
Go volunteer at a veterans’ hospital, convalesence home, or other non-profit.
Help with a non-profit that drops off meals for less fortunate
christmas houseDriving around and looking at Christmas lights – some houses REALLY do it up!
Caroling (walking and singing burns calories!)
Got snow? Go outside and play in it, make a snowman, have a snowball fight, PLAY!
Go skiiing, snowboarding, camping etc
Schedule a trip out of town if you can. A good reason to visit family in another part of the country.

And if you are forced to either cook for the family or spend time around a dinner how about:

–        Go out to eat (no clean up, no left overs,)

–        Take up someone’s invitation and eat at someone else’s house and not take any leftovers

–        Plan foods that are both on-program and yummy (or a portion of the foods that YOU want)

–         If going to someone else’s place, take a dish that you can eat and share and is on program!

In the past day, I tripped across a way to help keep me OP. Maybe you’ve heard of the “Elf on the Shelf”. Basically, it’s this elf that’s used to keep kids in line. You tell them that the elf can see them and tells Santa everything they do. I took this a step midge in the fridgefurther. I have a ceramic elf (yes, he’s an ELF, not a gnome) and put him in my fridge with a sign that says, “Pam, have you PREplanned what you’re looking in here for?” To be honest, it’s really made me rethink my nibble more than once. So he’s my “Midge in the Fridge”. I’m going to the thrift shop to get more. I’m putting a Pixie in my Pantry, an Elf on the Shelf (of the cupboard), a Faun in the Freezer (with the icecream), ANYWHERE there’s nibble food… I’m putting an elf with a sign!

Stay tuned for my next installment on this topic…
this is just the beginning on PREPLANNING THE MIND!!!

Categories: Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Weighing Our Words Again

One of my first blog posts was called Weighing Our Words

I talked about how we spoke in regard to ourselves; our body types, our size, our beauty or self-imposed lack of it. I talked about how others hear our words and it affects their behaviors, how they speak and what they eat….but I never addressed the biggest issue.

How we talk about FOOD.


Have you ever really looked at your Foodese, your foodspeak, your language of food?

How many times have you said:

1. “I just LOVE  <insert food here> .”
2. “You can’t go to <insert place here> and NOT have the <insert really good food here> …you just CAN’T!”
3. “Grandma’s cheesecake IS TO DIE FOR.”
4. “That cookie is calling my name.”
5. “It jumped into my mouth and I ate it before I knew it.”

….and let’s not even talk about the movie “American Pie”…. (‘nuf said)

In our house, my daughter, Katie can tell you, we’ve corrected our language.

Let’s look at
#1. Love. That has got to be the most abused word. And people have even taken the word love and reduced it to a symbol. The heart. They “heart” this and that. People and things. Actions and everything. Sad. You love PEOPLE, not things, or actions, or rock bands, or restaurants …or food. Watch how many times you hear that phrase “I love ______” and see how many times it’s about a PERSON and how many times it is not. When we say we LOVE a food item, we have given it the same role as a person. But food cannot love us back. Food will never reciprocate those feelings.

Number 2. This is a myth. “You cannot go to X without eating Y.” It’s fuzzy math that isn’t true. I live a couple hours away from Hershey, PA. When I was married, this was a “pilgrimage” because my husband went to school in Hershey, actually at the Milton Hershey School for orphans. So this was a place we went often. Yes, the lamp posts have huge Hershey kisses on them. Yes, the town is painted in more shades of chocolate than I knew existed and I’ve been through Chocolate World so many times I could guide the tour. But I can go into a town like Hershey and not buy an ounce of chocolate (or lick a lamp post). Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy chocolate, but food is not the focus of my life anymore. When we went to Hershey, it was to meet up with people and enjoy doing things…not sit and eat chocolate. I can do THAT at home. A bigger challenge, for me, is going to Red Robin and not eating the tower of onion rings. I used to devour those things like a mother lion on an antelope! Not kidding. But I can now go to that restaurant and have a salad (although they don’t offer much else I choose to eat now) without dressing (I bring my own) and I’m good.

Number 3. Let’s just settle something here. No food is worth DYING for…not even Grandma’s cheesecake. Seriously. If you’re going to use that phrase of being a true martyr, would you do it for FOOD? I can understand dying for Faith. Dying for kids, spouse, loved ones. Jumping in front of a car to save someone you love. But for food? If you’re going to run in the street because there’s an icecream cone about to get hit by a car…please… get professional help.

Number 4. There is no food that calls your name. It reminds me of those videos on YouTube of the Annoying Orange sitting there saying “Hey, Apple. Hey, Apple.” I’m sorry, you’d have to see it to believe it. My guilty pleasure. Again, we’re giving food this property it doesn’t have. It’s not a person, it can’t talk and we can’t love it. It cannot talk to you. It’s sitting there minding its own business while your brain is imagining it’s calling out to you. Hide it, put it away, throw it away, give it away, flush it, do whatever you have to do. The only thing REMOTELY close to food talking to you is the Chiquita stickers on the bananas…which I do love to stick on various parts of my body as I grocery shop.

Number 5. There is no food that’s literally going to run on its little legs and crawl into your mouth unless you’re eating bugs and creepy crawlies on the show Survivor. Again, we’re taking away our own responsibility and transferring it onto the food. It’s the food’s “fault”. We didn’t do it. We were just minding our own business and the darn food literally jumped right into our mouth and demanded to be eaten. Right now! Without chewing!

Let’s start minding our P’s and Q’s with how we TALK about our food.

We are so eager to give food human qualities. Certain people won’t eat anything that “has a face”… but you’ll let it speak to you? To give it this POWER that it simply does not have! Maybe it’s because it takes away the responsibility of saying we stumbled and ate something. We need to start looking at our food quite honestly and taking away all those “magical” abilities we gave it.

Food is nutrition.
Food is fuel.
Food is NOT an event.
Food is NOT a person.
It won’t love us back.
It cannot convey emotion or confirm our “love” for it.
It won’t do ANYTHING for us except sustain us and give us nutrients.
It is not magic.
It cannot talk to us, scream at us, condemn us or compliment us.
It gets in our mouth by our little fingers and no other way (unless you’re faceplanting into your plate)

Let’s start changing the way we talk about food.
Start becoming aware of how we talk about our food.
Proper nutrition helps us think better, helps us focus.
Let’s change our minds for the better.

Change your mind…change your life.

Categories: Binge Eating, Cooking, Dealing with Sabotage, Emotional, Psychological, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Can’t “Go Mama Hamster” etc etc.

I’m having one of “those days” which started with my checking account plummeting into the red and bouncing checks like beach balls at a rave. Thank goodness it’s Friday and I’m at least getting a paycheck to shove in there. While I’m on the online checking bank website, my boss a.k.a. Dad is questioning me about a piece of equipment that got messed up yesterday under my watch. I’m on my failing iPhone that needs replacing, texting my son that I’m about ready to go “Mama Hamster” on him and eat him whole because of a situation… I wasn’t joking. At the same time, my father is confirming that I will, indeed, be at my other job at his store to be on hand for the dance party the store is hosting with dueling DJ’s, dueling bartenders (non-alcoholic drinks)… I can tell already this is going to be a long, grueling day from Hell and the last thing I want to do is be dancing tonight.

Oh, sign me up, Dad. I’m just so in the mood to work 8 hours selling industrial metals, make sure the landscaping is getting done and then… go sell jewelry and DANCE in my spare time with customers for another 6 hours. No, I’m not selling dances for a dime, but I’m seriously considering it to pay for a replacement iPhone!

I have 8 levels of Dante’s Inferno breaking loose all around me and the more I’m discussing it with my father, I can feel my eyes welling up and my voice starting to crack. I’m stressed. My personal, business and private worlds are all on a collision course to smack right into my face…and my stomach.

I’m tired already just thinking about it.

And I need to eat something.


Did I just say that?

No, I just need to chew something, what do I have here?

I have a 14 hr work day today which means I have ALL MY FOOD packed WITH me for the day. I’m a stress eater. I’m like a Labrador Retriever with a weekend’s bowl of chow in front of me. If it’s there and visible…I just might eat it. So I took the insulated bag, put it in my car. My lunch and any daytime snacks are OUT IN THE CAR, not at my fingertips.

Yes, even with this garbage breaking loose, I’m able to step back and say, “Hey, you know, it’s just not healthy for this food to be sitting this close to me.” I’m not looking for a pat on the back. I want you to recognize those days and those circumstances in your own lives.

It’s easy to eat my whole day’s worth of calories right here and now and sit here with a stomach ache, crying about my messed up checkbook, broken equipment, bitchy customers, long work hours etc. etc. yadda. Yadda freaking. Yadda. Then 5:00 is going to roll around when I’m at the jewelry store and I’m going to get hungry again. I won’t have my allotted food and I’ll end up hitting the convenience store up the street or one of the bistro’s in town…which are NOT… good options (sorry guys, but you’re not!) So the choice is mine.

I can get my “food bowl” put away and out of view and at least get ONE aspect of this stupid day under control.  I did that. And I texted my girlfriend in Jersey that always makes me feel better.Then I put some of my favorite dance music in my ear (Deadmau5) and it helped ease the stress. Figured out the checkbook, got the bank and those nasty overdraft charges taken care of…and now it’s just a matter of keeping a smile and controlling what I can. I can’t control these insane working hours

I still have my dinner intact for over at my other job.

I haven’t eaten my son in a fit of fury… because quite frankly it would be consuming far too many calories and Xchanges.

And I’m starting to smile.

So later, I will maybe even feel like dancing. And I bet I will. And I might even post pics on the Facebook page for the blog to prove my point.

See?  It’s all about taking control of a crappy day and turning it around. We just gotta WANT to take control instead of letting it take control of us.

There are so many things we can’t control…I’ve been through every emotion today and I haven’t had a period in 7 years… but there are some thing we can.

Focus on the things we CAN control and the rest will follow.

And please… don’t email me the caloric content of a young man… I don’t want to have to factor it in my day.

Categories: Anger, Binge Eating, Emotional, Psychological, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Giving the Monster a Manicure

Franklin Roosevelt was right. The only thing to fear is fear itself.
WHY does fear paralyze us so? WHAT is it about fear?
Fear is an illusion.
Fear is a lie.
Fear is the mind’s way of preventing us from physically doing something that will hurt us…or that we THINK will hurt us. Fear makes us think of things as larger than life, bigger than they really are, scarier than it really is, it’s incredibly overwhelming. It’s an anticipation of something dreadfully gone wrong. It spins it out of control so we stop in our tracks and shut down.  It can make us sick in the stomach, give us a headache. It consumes us, it becomes the only thing on our minds, we can’t help NOT to think about it. Fear distracts our focus from things we really don’t want to do!

–        Whether it’s about jobs/money/career, bill we gotta pay, bills we can’t pay, emergency bills that pop up
–        Or our kids/family/loved ones and THAT whole ball of wax!
–        Our romance life/significant other/spouse, etc  …or lack there of
–        Things from our past that come head on in our faces
–        Fear of the unknown, (we like to control things in our lives)
–        Fear of other people’s opinions
–        Fear of other people’s lack of approval
–        Fear of being mocked
–        Fear of being the center of attention in a bad way
–        Fear of looking silly
–        Fear of looking old
–        Fear of getting old
–        Fear of being wrong
–        Fear of getting lost
–        Fear of going out of our comfort zone
–       Fear of being alone
–        Fear of “losing it”
 –      Fear of being out of control

–        Fear of failing

….. so many things we’re afraid of… isn’t it sad?

On the other hand, let’s look at a very similar emotion…excitement and enthusiasm.

Think of the child that’s waiting for Christmas. Ralphie and his Red Ryder BB gun from A Christmas Story. He’s got himself practically whipped up into a frenzy thinking about how he can beg, bribe, con, practically sell his soul in order to have this freaking toy! It consumes his very essence! He dreams about it. He makes Freudian slips about it. It’s on his brain constantly. He can’t sleep! He’s planning, contriving and doing anything he can to make it happen. But he’s EXCITED and happy and proactive.

The idea of being “on a diet” and changing our lifestyle with eating and exercise can be scary. It can be full of so much emotion. It can be that monkey on our back, monster in the closet, the elephant in the room…that huge thing that’s always there and we don’t want to address. And let’s not forget all the new things we’re going to do. Eat differently, cook differently, pack lunch differently, shop differently, move differently…oh my God, you’re overwhelming me and it’s SCARY!!

Well let’s look that MF in the eye. (Monumental Fear…what did you THINK I meant?)

Instead of cowering in the corner, letting it disable us and turn us into a quivering mass of jelly… let’s look it in the eye and MAKE FRIENDS WITH IT. Take every emotion you’re feeling with fear, look it in the eye and turn it into the excitement of Christmas! Look at your monster with enthusiasm and run toward it to greet it!

Yeah, you heard me right. It makes me think of an old Bugs Bunny cartoon. If you haven’t seen it in a while… or ever (in case you’re a fetus, aka younger than me) here’s the link:

Bugs is running, trying to get away from his monster when he abruptly turns…and gives it a manicure. He sits, flatters it, caters to it, makes friends with it and then… well, you’ll  see, he takes control and gets the upper hand.

When I started losing weight, it was a monster I was ready to take on and fight. I was making headway and it felt GREAT to be in control after so many years of letting it control me . People starting putting fear into mind. They said things like,
“Everytime you lose weight you have to buy even more clothing, it gets so expensive.”
“What if you give away all those clothes and then gain back the weight?”
“What if you lose all that weight and have excess skin hanging off you?”
“You know I had a friend of a cousin of a neighbor of a mailman that lost weight and she ended up looking older and her wrinkles showed up in her face more.”
“I knew someone that lost so much weight they ended up getting sick and in the hospital.”
“I knew someone that lost weight and they didn’t even look like the same person.”
“Why do you even bother? You’ve always been fat and always will be, you’ll never be ‘skinny’.”

From that point, my ONE monster turned into about TEN monsters that I let people fabricate in my mind. So instead of just that one vague fear of “being fat”, it’s turned into about ten different fears about losing weight. It overwhelmed me, panicked me. I ALMOST believed what they were saying. It reminds me of a scene from the movie, “The Matrix” where Neo is surrounded by many copies of Agent Smith and it seems an endless fight with the same monster over and over and over. But he kept at it until they were all GONE.

And that’s when I looked at all my incarnations of fear in regard to losing weight and rationally thought them all out.

Ok, I’m going to buy clothing whether I’m losing weight, gaining weight or STAYING the same.
I chose to give away and get rid of clothing that got too big for me. Every other time that I held onto it, it only served as a safety net so it was “ok” to gain weight back. I chose to give it away.
Do I have some excess skin? Yes. So what. I’m working at toning up. I’d rather have some excess skin and weigh 159 lbs than have excess skin AND fat and weigh in at 300 lbs.
Do I have some wrinkles? Hell, I’m 47 years old, who am I kidding? I have some crow’s feet, I have some laugh lines and that shows I’ve lived some LIFE! SO WHAT? I have a few lines on my face, I’m not going to gain back 150 pounds as a beauty treatment for wrinkles!
Let’s look at the “getting sick” one…I had a whole list of medical issues at 300 pounds. I had years of fertility problems including PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), hyperinsulemia, arthritis, sleep apnea, incontinence, snoring, scores of back aches, constant knee and foot pain, depression, anxiety and probably a few more I can’t think of right now. All I know is right now, my aches and pains are a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is the most severe pain. My blood pressure is 116/65. I am, according to my doctors, healthier than I’ve ever been in my LIFE. I’m not getting hospitalized for losing weight.
I will never forget when that person told me I “would always be” fat and I should just give up. Actually a few said that. It’s their problem. Their own fear of never achieving. Misery loves company. I’m here to say, “Don’t listen to that crap! Follow your dream, you CAN do this!”

And no. I don’t look the same. Even my family tells me that I look so different in the face and body. Like an onion, layers and layers slowly dissolved over the past year and a half. I have a different build than I ever imagined. A slightly different body shape than I thought I had. A different facial structure. I got more bones than when I started, at least it feels like it!  I’m just different looking. I’m still Pam, just a slightly different version. It’s Pam version 2.0, new and improved. A few more laugh lines are showing up because I’m LAUGHING and smiling more. I’m not married anymore and not seeing anyone (and not really LOOKING to right now) so I haven’t received an opinion one way or another that way. But it’s not my big priority right now. I’m happy reconstructing and reinventing ME right now. It’s like what an artist goes through at times. It’s like taking a huge lump of clay and saying, “There’s a sculpture in there, I just don’t know what it is yet” and carving out something … not really knowing what you’re going to end up with when you’re done… and it’s a work of art!

Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Take that leap of faith, dive into the deep end, do a cannonball into the lake of your fear, grab that monster by the hand and…. give it a manicure. Show it you’re unafraid of it…or ANYTHING. You’re braver than you think. Trust me.

When people tell you, “Why do you want a BB gun (or insert your dream here), you’ll shoot your eye out!” Look at them and say, “I guess it’s up to me to find that out.” Give your journey the feel of Christmas, rather than the fear. Because you’ll be giving yourself a HUGE present that will give back SO much to your life. C’mon, Ralphie, we can do this thing!

Hey, if you liked this post, feel free to share it with your friends and whoever needs a dose of motivation! Pin it, post it, email it!

And soon… I’ll be unleashing on the world! The site is up but under construction, stay tuned! I’ll have a spot where you can look up the recipes at a glance and all kinds of stuff! So “Go forward without fear” and manicure that monster!

Categories: Anger, Dealing with Sabotage, Emotional, Growing Up Fat, Psychological, Support, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

POWER: Jim Thorpe, A Lesson in NEVER Giving Up!

The Eureka POWER challenge is on! Remember, POWER is Pam’s Online Walk to Eureka Rally! While I’m sure there’s many people who put in many more steps a day than I do, it’s not about killing myself to get there, it’s about getting there. It’s all about not giving up. I put in 25.87 miles this week and that virtually puts me in the Jim Thorpe, PA area.

This is beautiful country in Jim Thorpe and when I can I like to head up this way to the intense greenery, trees and peace of the mountain area. How appropriate to make a pit-stop in Jim Thorpe.

Jim Thorpe, a true lesson in “Never ever give up”

Thorpe was born in Oklahoma and was of mixed ancestry. His mother was of Native American heritage  from the Potawatomi tribe. Jim actually had an Indian name (something I do in my house is give people Indian names…that’s another topic). Jim’s Indian name was Wa-Tho-Huk, translated as “path lit by great flash of lightning” or, more simply, “Bright Path”.  And a name was never more true. Coming from humble beginnings, Jim became known as the greatest athlete of the 20th century and some even say of all time. He truly never ever gave up and put his ALL into everything.

It’s almost exhausting to read what all Jim did! In college, in Carlisle, PA, he was in track and field, football, baseball, lacrosse and even ballroom dancing which he won a championship for as well! Then came the 1912 Olympics.  To just say “he won a gold medal in decathalon” would be a disservice. He busted his ass so much and he even had his running shoes stolen. He dug around in a dumpster and found MISMATCHED shoes and won and received his medal in 2 different shoes! He didn’t let ANYTHING stop him! This Olympics was held in Sweden.  Several sources recount that, when awarding Thorpe his prize, King Gustav said, “You, sir, are the greatest athlete in the world,” to which Thorpe replied, “Thanks, King.” Upon coming home, he excelled in baseball, football and there’s even records today about basketball.

To avoid sounding like an afternoon school special, you really need to look up Jim Thorpe on the Internet or in the library to read about his trials and tribulations and how he still succeeded no matter what was thrown at him, who protested and tried to strip him of his accomplishments, he led a hugely fulfilling and satisfying life…because he NEVER gave up.

Our journey into ONEderland is in many ways a “path lit by great flashes of lightening”. There are the good ones of inspiration and motivation, but there’s many that are not. There’s things that distract us, pull us away, get us off focus and pull us off the path. Keep moving forward on your journey into ONEderland. Don’t get hung up looking in the rear view mirror of your mistakes and keep looking forward.  You’ll see many travelers in your journey. Some are faster and some are slower. Don’t let the faster ones discourage you. Everyone has their different rate of speed and routes to get there. Just keep going forward. Don’t let the slower ones guilt you into lagging behind for their benefit. Be there for support but don’t sabotage yourself just to make someone else feel better about themselves. By plowing forward on YOUR path, you just may end up being an inspiration to someone else. And by all means don’t just stand in the middle of your path and stop. Because quite frankly, you’re just waiting for a truck to come along and run you over. What do I mean by that? By stopping and becoming unfocused and undecided about what we are doing… we are throwing ourselves under the bus. We take our focus off our health and start going back to the old ways of eating because people can convince us that “your priority should be your job or your family or THEM!” Don’t be deterred from your path. Take a lesson from Jim Thorpe and never give up and never give in. JUST KEEP GOING!

Categories: Emotional, POW! Pam's Online Walk Across the USA!, Psychological, Support, Victory, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Am Not Bulletproof

This week, I had plans of a really humorous blog post….this is not it.

I had something hit me last night. It was a phone call that started out as a cry for help but it turned quickly into a calculated surgical strike that pushed every emotional button the caller knew about me. They whipped out their catalog of Pam and went through the shopping list looking for just the right reaction. I wouldn’t give the old reactions and I thought I got through unscathed. I didn’t.

I binged.

There, I said it. I feel like an alcoholic admitting a drink. A drug addict admitting to getting high in the back alley. Because that’s what I was doing. Although I wasn’t eating the usual foods I had resorted to in the past to “cure my pain”, I was hanging over the sink shoving food in my face like a mother lion over an antelope carcass. It was a horrible scene and I’m so glad my kids didn’t walk in on me. I might have growled at them — I’m not kidding. I looked in the mirror near the sink looking at myself. A fist full of food, no utensils…crying… and eating.


I knew what I was doing. I didn’t stand up for myself on that phone call. I was punishing myself. I wanted to say so much in that phone call, but instead of expressing my opinion, I was stuffing food down my throat to stuff the feelings down farther and farther. That’s what got me over 300 pounds in the first place.


I had let someone close to me into my bubble and it hurt me. That’s called life and I can’t prevent that. But I wiped off my face. I changed my food stained shirt. I shut out the kitchen light and went to bed. At first I told myself that I wasn’t going to weigh myself in the morning, but that’s simply denial. I did weigh myself to own up to any damage and take responsibility for it. While nothing showed up this morning, I’m not gloating on it. I’m putting myself on stricter accountability and switching up my menu’s a little to take the routine out of it. Tonight I have an online weight loss meeting AND a maintenance meeting and I  will attend both and listen attentively. I probably won’t be very active in the interactive chat because I need to listen.

I need to get the tools to wear like a bulletproof vest. I need to strap on my support of my fellow Kimmies over at and my blog readers who I interact with on my Facebook page.

A bulletproof vest only does so much. It doesn’t encase us in a bubble away from it all. Our hands are not bound, we can still reach and grab food.Our mouth can still open and we can still push food in. Our ears are still open to hear the “right” words or phrases that get to us. Our eyes still see painful actions.  The vest is a precaution but NOT a cure-all.

The fight is never done. The buttons are always in there, I just need to learn how to dismantle some of the wiring.

It reminds me that I am human.
I remind myself this isn’t FAILURE. It’s LEARNING.
This was a pop quiz, not a final exam.

Part of the human experience is adaptation.

We crawl, we walk, we run, we fall …. get up, bandage up, LEARN… and run again.

ONE pound at a time,
ONE day at a time,
ONE step at a time….
to and through ONEderland!

Categories: Anger, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Angry Fat Woman Has LEFT The Building!

Reaching my goal weight has an interesting experience. I have encountered a vast array of reaction to it. Everything from compliments to criticism. I can’t say there’s a majority one way or the other, but it makes the journey INTERESTING.

Other than my online life of the blog, my weight loss meetings and chats, I’ve been kept pretty busy here at home. I’ve had a lot of personal things going on that have nothing to do with my weight loss. Keeping in mind that for the first five months of the year, I had that major inner-ear vestibular thing going on, people haven’t seen much of me out-and-about.

I used to be a real bar-fly. Those days are gone. You’ll rarely see me sitting in the bar except to catch up with old friends. I just don’t find it “my thing” anymore. I’m not saying anything bad about the people that choose to do that… it’s just that… it doesn’t hold any excitement for me. I am enjoying getting out and DOING things. So when I do go back to the old “haunts” of where I previously spent too much time and money, I blow the freaking minds of people who haven’t seen me. Honestly, that’s not really my intent. I just miss certain people. When I finally do show my face in public it’s always a mixed bag of the reaction I get out there.  And there’s SO MANY RUMORS.

Have you ever noticed in a club, clique, organization or whatever, when someone just stops coming around that isn’t the big focal point of attention, there’s this general “oh well” vibe that rolls through. Very few will go out of their way to check on you and see if you’re still alive. They prefer to deal in rumor. Sadly, people as a whole love “dirty laundry”. This society as a whole, thank you television and media, LOVE a good tragedy. They love to know that someone’s life is worse than theirs, it gives them a good cozy feeling about their own existence.

When I did show up, unexpected and out of the blue into a certain place recently I was blown away with what I was hearing. That’s what inspired the picture above. I’ve heard everything from I had cancer again to I was on drugs and was in rehab (thanks to people that heard I was in physical therapy and were telling people I was in “rehab”), to I had bariatric surgery. NOW, let me clarify. I do NOT hold anything against people who use the surgery option. I thought about it a LOT before I jumped on the Xchanges program. But I really wanted to battle my food addictions head=on with behavior modification. When certain well-meaning people pulled me aside and whispered, “Are you OK?” I laughed and said, “I’m GREAT, why?” The response was almost identical with every person. “Oh, I heard you <fill in miscellaneous rumor here>.”

Then recently, I was working at my Dad’s jewelry store this past Friday night after working a long day at the steel shop all day. So, yes, I’m a little tired when I show up and I’m working a 13 hour work day, but generally I’m feeling pretty energetic. I’m setting up some tables and chairs outside and a woman that works at another store comes over. She said, “Ok, I have to ask, how much weight have you lost.” I smiled and said, “150 pounds.” She said, “Ok, we need to have THE TALK.” she said it with…emphasis and she’s a rather large woman. I said, “Would you like information on the program I’m using?” In horror, she said, “NO! We need to have THE TALK.” I said, “I already know about the birds and the bees I have 2 kids.” She, very flustered said, “NO PAM…THE TALK… your bones are sticking out. You need to stop this now.” I told her I was at goal and I was fine. She said, “But how do you FEEL?” I said..”I feel <insert worst expletive you can think of> awesome!” She said, “Really?” With a look on her face like I farted a really loud fart. I said, “Yes, I feel GREAT. My feet don’t hurt, my knees don’t hurt, my back doesn’t hurt, I can work for 12 hours straight on my feet and I still have energy, I can be in this heat and I don’t mind it or the humidity, I can bike ride for 7 miles in an hour. I feel GREAT and I would never trade it.” She shook her head and said as she walked away, “You need to stop this.” I asked, “Stop what…feeling great?”

At first I was so angry. The old biker chick Pam was starting to come out. I wanted to march after her and get in her face and say, “Look, maybe you should worry about yourself. I just watched you eat 3 slices of loaded pizza and struggle to get out of the chair to come talk to me and literally watched the sweat roll down your red face as you talked to me.” Yes, I wanted to say all of that if not more. But I did not. Because I’ve been on that other side for many, many years. I’ve been the angry fat woman that has watched people lose weight and made my judgements about HOW they did it, WHY they did it and all the assumptions.

The more I attack and defend my weight loss, the more it looks like it’s something to be ashamed of doing. I’m not ashamed of my progress. I wouldn’t do anything differently. It averaged out to a 1 to 2 pound a week weight loss which according to the medical community is healthy weight loss. It’s the recommended rate to insure that it stays off long-term. I’m not ashamed. I’m working at letting the old reactions go. Anyone who has met me in person knows that I’m pretty laid back, down to earth and easy going. I’ll let other people be the ones that fly off the handle. But as for me… anyone that wants information, I would love to help you and point you in the right direction. If you want to know about Xchanges, you can certainly go to and check it out. If you want to know about my experience, I’m here! But please, the rumors and the judgements are only made by shallow people. I will not encourage the growth of those “weeds” by looking defensive. The angry fat woman has left the building and left me in charge here and I think I’m going to start by doing a little change in the emotional decor. So y’all are gonna have to deal with me now!

I not only transformed my outside body…I’m working on the insides too!

Feel free to share and spread the message forward! Email it, share it, pin it…do what you gotta do to help others!!

Categories: Anger, Dealing with Sabotage, Emotional, Psychological, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Who Are These Kids & Why Are They Calling Me Mom?

I think my purple dress was trying to strangle me

I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. This is a much different family dynamic than say, what my two kids have dealt with their lives. Coming from a nuclear family of five kids is much like playing a game of Risk. Everyone is competing for power, attention, superiority, favor, etc. Any parent will tell you that the more kids you have, each has their own distinct personality, even if they are twins.

I don’t care if you come from a small family or large one. I don’t care if you have five kids, one kid or a pet you consider a kid, or if your significant other acts like a big kid… you have a whole family of inner children in your head. When it comes to your eating plan, you really have to watch these inner children….they can be sneaky little buggers!

We have the good kid, the one who preplans her food, shops and cooks well. She’s right on board. The “teacher’s pet” that just has it down …. On her good days.

We have the rebel, who doesn’t want to be told what to do. She questions the system. She doesn’t like to weigh and measure and says “Phhhht, I don’t need no steenking measuring spoon, I know what I’m doing. I’ve been cooking for years! I don’t need to be told what to eat,  I wanna do what I want to do! Who has time to preplan or write down my food?” She sneaks out when “nobody” is looking and slips through the drive-thru at the icecream place and scarfs it up in the parking lot thinking nobody will notice. Goes out and is the wild “party girl” of food and then plays dumb at the scale.

We have the “narc”, the unofficial policeman that says “Maaaaahhhhhmmmmmm, guess what SHE’S doing now?” This is the part of us that walks around with the flashlight and camera and puts the spotlight on our errors and  beats ourselves up for all the mistakes. She focuses on all the screw ups. Now… this has its place in keeping us on track. We just have to make sure she doesn’t become an unrelenting torturer for past mistakes.

We have the lazy kid you have to keep pinching in the butt to get moving, to do anything, to study, to do their chores. When you get on her back about homework, she says, “Alllllright, I will, just not right now. C’mon, why do you have to be on my back all the time? It’s too hard! I don’t wanna!” She’s whiney and just wants to wallow in pity, in the status quo of her life, in the “same old same old” because it’s comfortable. It doesn’t require effort. It’s easy. Someone will come along and clean up after her room, her dishes, her life. Well, after a while, there’s nobody left to clean up your life. You have to put on your big girl panties because the medical problems come rushing in, or there’s just nobody left to clean up after you. They got tired of the same whining and crying over and over.

We have the antagonizer, who likes to “stir the pot” behind others’ backs. This is the part of ourselves that tells the rebel/party girl, “We just weighed in, we sat through the meeting, we did our thing..we have a whole week til the next weigh in…this one treat won’t matter.” Yeah… that and a winning Powerball ticket would be peachy, and I don’t see either one happening in the real world, Sunshine. Don’t listen to the antagonizer, they’re nowhere to be found when it’s weigh-in time and you’re the one paying the price.

So how do we deal with all these orphans running around in our heads? How do we get rid of them and send them packing?

We don’t.

Like any good parent, we don’t kick them out or send them packing. We help them become responsible citizens in our heads. They are part of us and they are useful in their own way.

It’s up to us to be a good parent. I was going to say a good Mom but when I look at the Facebook page for the blog, I’m seeing a lot of guys coming aboard (that’s great!). So we need to be good Moms and Dads to our inner children. Like a good Mom, we don’t look forward to GETTING RID of any of our kids, we learn to appreciate them for what they are and guide them in the right direction.

I’m a Mom. I think I’m a pretty decent Mom. Then, again, we all think we’re pretty good at what we do. But I thought about some of the parenting basics I live by and how it applies to our inner children. I even asked my kids for what I do here at home that they feel is good parenting.

There’s the basics…

1.      Feed your inner child healthy nutritious food. No fads. A balanced diet. That’s pretty much a given. Of course, you know, I do Kim Bensen’s Xchanges. No mindless grazing all day, organized preplanned eating from all the food groups.

2.      Make them get outside and play and get off the computer and electronics. Yeah, you heard me. Get off Facebook for a while and go out and take a walk, go to the gym, get some exercise in. Get away from the cell phones, voice mail and computer. Your Farmville WILL survive, I PROMISE! Stop planting virtual crops and maybe plant some real crops out in the back yard, Facebook Farmer!

3.      Make rules and STICK to them. Yeah, here’s where it gets a little tough. YOU preplan your meals and tell your inner child what you’re eating today. She’s going to look at you like you just grew another head. She’s going to whine about not liking all those green things. She’s going to complain there’s not enough treats. YOU ARE OFFERING STRUCTURE. You don’t let them alter the rules so that they like you. Good parenting is NOT about being “buds” with your real kids and it’s just like that in dieting too. Stop spoiling them! Every time you cave in  because “well, it’s just too tough for them right now”or “I’m going through a lot right now” or “This isn’t the best time” or “I know I’m over 200 pounds but I’m happy and healthy”… you’re not doing yourself ANY favors except candy coating your logic. You’re prolonging this journey even longer! What are you waiting for, that heart attack? That cancer? That knee replacement surgery? That high blood pressure? Let me tell you something…they don’t come calling asking for an appointment, they show up like forgotten relatives and camp out until you take care of them!

4.      Don’t go back on your word, don’t set that precedent. In other words, don’t make up that meal plan and then when your inner child throws a fit say “Oh, it’s ok, Sweetie, you don’t have to eat that…we’ll just grab this PIZZA with complimentary breadsticks and fatcells on the side… of our thighs.” Or don’t make plans to go for a good walk, bike ride or gym “date” and then say, “Uh, I’m kinda tired, I don’t feel like it.” STICK TO IT. You’ll be so glad you did.

5.      Give compliments for a job well done. Look in the mirror after a work out and say, “Wow, you rock!” Or reward yourself with non-food rewards! Manicure, pedicure, a new outfit (even if it’s a thrift shop find..I do that 99% of my shopping), new cosmetics or perfume for hitting a weight goal!

6.      Don’t embarrass or humiliate them. Stop talking negatively about yourself in front of your kids or your friends.  I don’t dare want you to say “Excuse my fat ass as I get by you.” I’ve heard that from so many friends, family, etc. I hate when people give themselves negative self talk. It reinforces that thought in your head. Just say, “Excuse me.” You don’t have to fish for someone to say, “Oh, your butt’s not big.” Because that’s all you’re really doing is fishing. And if that’s what you’re doing, grab a pole and get out on the lake and do it for real – it’s great to get outside!

7.      Encourage when they get down on themselves. If you find yourself getting down about your program, get into a meeting or support group or chat of the program you follow. Now, be careful with this. I’ve seen Facebook support pages that almost encourage whining and complaining.  Find a supportive outlet that encourages and reinforces positive action, not a whine-fest.

8.      Scolding does not mean you don’t love them. It’s tough love. As you’re shoving that Cinnabon down your throat, stop yourself. Literally say outloud, “Stop. Now.” Don’t sit there and say, “That’s ok, honey, we’ll do better tomorrow.” NO. See rule #3 – stick to those rules! Scold them when they need it. Without insult. Without blame. Without nastiness. Just say STOP. Give yourself a “time out”. When you feel that binge coming on shove it aside. I have a couple of methods here. If I can, I’ll say, “Ok, I’ll go for a 5 mile bike ride (or walk). If I STILL feel hungry afterward, I’ll have something ‘on program’ and at least I’ll have that activity in there.” Honestly once I do that and get moving, I rarely eat afterward because the endorphins have kicked in and I feel good about what I’ve done. Or I’ll have something really good for me like a frozen banana afterward. Or I’ll look at the clock and say, “Ok, in a half hour, if I still need something I’ll think about it then.” And shove it out of my head. It’s my “time out” for a while.

9. Educate your child. Instead of just mindlessly following the rules of your plan, do research. Read articles on nutrition and exercise. Don’t always just rely on other people who are reading. Get involved in your program and your health. If you have any kind of medical issues, read up on them, know about them, get involved with support groups about them.

10.      And most of all, love those inner children. Love them for who they are, don’t be angry about who they are not. Take pride in your body shape, don’t mock it. Don’t wish you had “someone else’s kids who are so great, good grades, so pretty and popular”. SO WHAT!?  Don’t pine for your sister’s body type or your aunt’s. Work with what you’re given. Love that apple, pear, banana or whatever fruit salad you got going on there! Love the uniqueness that’s YOU. Because even though you don’t think so, someone’s looking at you saying, “I love her nose, or her dimples, or the way she laughs, that incredible smile”. We always seem to want what we don’t have. Let’s take pride in WHAT WE GOT! Look in the mirror and say, “Who’s awesome… YOU’RE AWESOME!” and take on your day!

 Start today, start right now being a good parent to your inner children. Oh, they’ll rebel. Especially if you’ve been letting them run amuck. They’ll look at you like, “You’re kidding, right?” They’ll test you. They’ll push you. But stick to your guns, and your program and remember that it’s YOU making the rules this time.

You’re the parent here of these inner children…remember that. The old excuse of “well my inner child was stomping her feet and she’s a brat”… that doesn’t fly anymore! Be the parent! Own up to these brats and get them towing the line once and for all. Your outer body will thank you for it.

If you like what you read, spread the word! Share it on your Facebook wall, Pin it, email it, send the motivation to anyone that needs it! Check out the blog’s Facebook page, I post in there daily including motivational stuff that flies in my head during the day!

Categories: Anger, Dealing with Sabotage, Emotional, Psychological, Relationships, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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